have you ever...

...just felt like you were invisible around people sometimes?

I mean... you know... that feeling like no matter how many goddamn people fill the room you're still absolutely alone? Have you ever gotten that feeling that perhaps you let something so absolutely pure - so utterly REAL - slip through your fingers like sand? As if the winds of change had blown those blissful feathers from your hands? I feel like that. Like I let someone go, that I shouldn't have (NOT JOHN). People are always quoting: "If you really love someone, you'll let them go." But, I don't think it's like that. Sure, if they aren't happy, then yeah. Let them go if it is to benefit them, their happiness. If their heart lies with something or someone else than yourself, you can't change it.

However, what if you really don't know? Wouldn't it be okay to ask first? To get some insight into what they're thinking sometimes? To find out how they REALLY feel? I personally see nothing wrong with it. But... what if they won't talk about it? What are you to do but act on instincts?

I let someone go, and I wasn't entirely sure. But it felt as if... what we had crumbled. Like much else, it withered and broke apart until there was nothing left. I acted on instinct, because he wouldn't talk to me. Then again, I can't say I did my part to ask. I can't help but wonder if it was the right thing or not. Recently we've spoken, but... I dunno. Nothing feels the same with anyone anymore, it seems. Distance. There is so much of it between my friends and I; between my family and I. Is it me? Am I responsible for this distance? Is it really me that is making such a terrible feeling rise within me?

I can't say for sure what it is. No one can. Life is uncertain; fate is just a tease. I like risks, thrills, chances, surprises. However, I also like to be informed; I like to remain updated. I like to be able to predict. I just can't do that with this shit. I'm tired of THINKING that something is real and ending up falling through the same hole I've stumbled in too many times before. Fallacy. Lies. Such a twisted world, huh?



"OTL...
Sorry for the pouring of silliness in this. I realleh dunno the purpose of sharing. Maybe you'll have some constructive opinions rather than, "Aw, that's sad. Sorry." or "Wow, you worded it cool, nice." ADVICE.
Plz?